Kharagpur, April 2011 …
The
summer that would soon start challenging me with the uncertain was knocking at
the door. I was writing an end-semester examination – the fourth of a series of
five. It started at 2:00 in the afternoon and was to continue till 5:00. The
enthusiastic invigilator took it upon himself to update us on time every half
an hour. At one point, he said, “Three-thirty. Halfway through.”
A
shiver ran down my spine the moment I heard ‘halfway through’. I paused for a
minute to reflect on my progress. There were five questions – all of equal
credit – and I was still working on the second one. I knew that I had to speed
up before it could get too late. I knew that the next to attempt would be a
‘power-play’ question to make up for some lost time and confidence. I learnt
from what went unexpected in the first half and revised what to expect of
myself in the second. I followed through. It worked.
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One
of my Mathematics teachers known for his grueling tests used to say, “From
every examination you gather some experience”. As I stepped forward in the exciting journey
of life, the ‘halfway’ moment of April 2011 gradually revealed a bigger
picture. Every situation catching us off guard is an examination. They occur
to enrich our experience. The process of enrichment has – very similar to what
in engineering is called a transient
– a period during which we are shaken inside. We respond by being tense,
clumsy, scared, resistant, oblivious, or something else. Our initial response
is often subconscious. It depends on who we are
inside by virtue of our genes, nourishment and past exposures. Eventually there
comes a time when we rise to consciousness. We get to realize how to ‘take it
from here’. We start to appreciate that it is just another stepping stone in
our path of eternal growth. This is what I call the halfway point. Two and a half years into grad life, I feel that I
am hovering somewhere around the halfway point now. The future might – and probably will – prove me wrong; I will
gladly accept it. Today I am going to share with you a few of the many
experiences during my grad life that have brought me closer to the halfway
point.
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During my initial days at College Station, the friend
circle I was part of loved to discuss politics. This was reinforced by the
upcoming Indian general election of 2014. In the past, all I could think of
politics was something very naive I had heard from people around like “They
played politics to get this particular person selected / eliminated”. I
absolutely hated this idea, so I used to stay away from any discussion on politics.
However, this circle used to discuss whether a particular policy of a leader
was good or bad, whether a person should be elected given all their records,
and so on. At times of course they used to get too attached to, verbose and
carried away with their ideas, but they did get to enjoy the discussions
nonetheless.
One
day I got confronted by one of them on my lack of participation.
“Look,
these stuff do not come to me at all”, I was honest, “I need to learn these
from scratch and prepare to be able to participate”.
“Man,
you have to know what’s happening to
our country”, he said, “It’ll affect all of us. Besides, we’re not experts
either. Does that mean we’d never discuss?”
After
days of thinking to myself and thanks to a senior for suggestions, I watched
all the episodes of the show ‘Pradhanmantri’ (The Prime Minister) that covers the political history of India
since independence. I began to realize how difficult it is to make decisions
that are going to influence billions of people. I began to appreciate how
complex the human dynamics is. I began to respect the people who tried their
best to make it work. I began to understand that history is written or narrated
from a particular perspective, and that the same incidence is going to be
perceived, interpreted and described differently by two different people. I
stepped out of my comfort zone. I understood how difficult yet essential it is
in life.
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My roommate Atanu, our very good friend Niladri and I
were enjoying a delicious dinner at a seafood restaurant not very long ago. At
one point Atanu said, “Guys, I’ve a question. We’ve been through school life,
undergrad life and grad life. Which one would you enjoy the most?”
“Me? Grad life!” I said instantly. Atanu asked why.
“Well, the other two were not bad, but this one’s been
different. I’ve been growing as a person like I never did. What about you?”
“For me it’s school life, man! Those were golden days. I
miss them like anything. They’ll never come back!” Niladri agreed as well. They
went down the memory lane.
For
a moment some memories of school life came to my mind. They are no doubt
special, but I feel better, freer and more excited about life now. I gave them the genuine answer. I
smiled.
Had this conversation taken place a few years ago, I would
have felt awkward for differing from them. I would have been honest anyway, but
afraid of being judged as the ‘odd one out’. If I have to thank grad life for
one reason other than advancing my academic career, it is that grad life has
taught me to accept myself just the way I am. I wondered for months what is
wrong with me that makes me feel isolated in a group. I have got a simple
answer: nothing.
I
am a complete person on my own. My perspectives count. My feelings matter. My
concerns are real. My tastes and quirks make me the person that I am. I am free
to enjoy my own company. I am free to exercise my own choices as long as I take
full responsibility for every single one of them. My self-worth comes from
within. It does not depend on how a person treats me. That I do not get along
with someone or that someone does not like me does not mean that I am a bad
person. With this esteemed sense of self comes the drive to take the uphill
road of constant self-improvement. We are all good, but we can always get
better. I believe that we must all keep coming up with better versions of ourselves
in order to work towards a better world. I have been working on watching my
thoughts when alone and my words when with people.
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As we honor ourselves and step out of our comfort zones,
we start respecting and appreciating every fellow human being at a unique stage
of a unique journey of life. Every brain is wired uniquely. Every heart
responds to unique sensations. One person can easily see what another cannot. A
third person can easily do what the first two cannot. Our skills are honed by where
we wanted to go, what we have been through and how much we have learnt. No one
is superior; no one is inferior; we are just different. The world needs the wholehearted
service of every single one of us to the best of our abilities.
Grad
life has been changing me in ways I could never have imagined.
Thank you, grad
life!
Happy
Birthday to me! J
