Kharagpur, 2009 …
Three undergraduate juniors – my
roommate Abhisek, Avik, and I – were in the middle of a conversation over lunch
at the mess of our hall of residence. After a little bit of what was going on
in our lives, they started discussing some concept of Physics which, to be
honest, I was not much interested in. I could, at the same time, feel their
excitement and did not want to spoil it. I was unsure of how to respond, so I
looked down – staring at my empty plate, playing with the spoon, humming a tune
I liked, waiting for them to finish. The very next day Abhisek brought this up
in private. “Dipanjan, what you were doing at lunch yesterday did not escape my
notice”, he said very firmly, “You understand your own emotions quite well, but
you need to understand people’s emotions, too.”
Abhisek, as I know him to this
date, shows how much he cares by his sincere and practical words of advice.
This was, in fact, one of the many occasions on which he tried to trigger me to
work on my weaknesses. I knew that it was important, but I was struggling with
several other hurdles at that point of time. “This will get better with time”,
I thought.
**************************************
College Station, 2015 …
My current roommate, Subhajit,
and I were in the middle of one of our many personal conversations. Subhajit
observed closely how I used to interact with the other roommates during our
group chats. Of course I used to feel out of place at times during those group chats, but he, quite
unknowingly, shook me up to the very core that day. “Dipanjan, your people
skills are poor”, he was candid yet direct. ‘People skills’ was a new term to
me, so I, a creature of habits, asked him to ‘define’ it. “Oh man, this shows
that your people skills are really
poor”, he replied smilingly, perhaps with an intention to keep things light.
I was, however, looking for a
proper definition, and, perhaps driven by my ego, a serious explanation of his
statement. His being casual led me to a state of angered confusion. I managed
to stay calm on the surface, but I was fuming inside. Fortunately, to my
rescue, my mind went back to what Abhisek had said six years ago. This time the
trigger was simply too strong to push aside. I am glad to have Subhajit help me
dealing with this!
*****************************************
As human beings, we all feel
down, insecure and vulnerable in certain areas of life. No matter how much we
achieve in life, there is something or the other that frequently makes us not
so happy about ourselves. There is something or the other that we wish we could
be better at. Before we decide whether it is worth taking steps to improve or
live with the current status for the rest of life, we must accept and admit
that we do have something troubling us, look into that 'something' as deeply as we can,
develop self-awareness and seek help as and when needed. Dear reader, as you go
through this series of posts that talk about one of the areas that makes me
feel vulnerable, I would encourage you to think over something that you feel vulnerable about, and what you
are doing about it.
Ever since childhood, I have
always been a serious, reserved and quiet person. Being a member of a large
family, the only child of my parents, an obedient student, and the class-topper
for years, I was showered with attention throughout my school life. I was not
good at playing as part of a group, reaching out and talking to people other
than a few good friends, making new friends and appreciating the fun side of
life. However, I never put any effort on those, since I had hardly any idea of how
important they were. Coming to an IIT, watching the toppers from all corners of
the country was an experience, but the transition from the center of attention
to virtually nobody was painful. During the earlier years, I sometimes used to do
ridiculous things that repelled more than attracted people. Gradually I built
my own identity, but except for a couple of friends, the feeling of not getting
along with people ate me up from inside. The only times I felt truly satisfied
were when I got opportunities to help others. However, I used to feel an
emotional distance, sometimes even when I was part of a group, enjoying at a
restaurant, or hanging out in somebody’s room. I used to feel as if I was alone
and aloof. In order to cover up my own reluctance to expand my awareness of the
outside world, to initiate and lead healthy conversations, to give people the
space they need, I used to do certain things that made me come across as unresponsive,
desperate or even a drama king. This has been going on for a long time – well into my
grad school days – and should not continue anymore!
… to be continued
